I have recently embarked upon a brand new adventure, otherwise known as Spanish lessons. And, not one to do things the easy way and ever impatient to dive right in and get going as quickly as humanly possible, I have decided to take the fast track route. As such, I am three lessons into a four-month intensive course, consisting of three lessons of three hours each per week.
The going is hard and I am finding it tough, a toughness that is both unsettling and frustrating.
More often than not, I feel like a child, unable to grasp even the basics. I struggle to ask a simple question. I fumble over the naming of everyday things. I have no idea how to describe myself or introduce myself or even to tell someone what the date or the time is.
I need to learn numbers, the alphabet, the days of the week, the months of the year, the seasons, etc. The list goes on and on…
It’s not that I don’t get there in the end: because I do, eventually. It’s just that I have to first look everything up or ask for help from the teacher, and even that involves copious flicking to find the correct page in my textbook from which to form the question from.
Nothing is spontaneous. Nothing is without effort. My brain hurts.
All too regularly, I feel my confidence plummet or my frustration get the better of me and I get upset.
Learning, I have discovered, rewinds me to school, and sitting there in the classroom, surrounded by my peers, I am no longer myself as a grown woman, a competent adult, but instead myself as a child of roughly eight or nine struggling to pick something up in an uncomfortable environment.
It is making me doubt myself. It is making me panic. I am both loving and loathing it in equal measure.
Coming away from class today, feeling tired and experiencing what can only be described as a migraine, I realised that it has challenged me in ways that I had not anticipated, highlighting certain issues that need immediate work.
This is the great thing about life: it is always pushing us, always demanding more, just as we thought we had given enough or were due a short rest.
And it’s the great thing about EFT and Matrix Reimprinting, too, for they also lead us on journeys we had not necessarily predicted at the outset.
So, along with my Spanish homework for today, I have some further personal work: that of journeying back in order to redress certain negative and long-lasting experiences from childhood, both from home and from school.
I was going to post a short tapping script here, but I think that, given that all of our experiences are so very different, it would be unlikely to help any one individual enough, let alone all of you.
So, instead, I suggest that you think inwardly about the process of learning and of being inside a classroom environment and ask yourself how you respond to new information when it is presented today and how you react in a teaching environment, especially when you feel out of your depth.
If you can’t remember a recent one; try to imagine it. Imagine, for example, learning a new language, or studying for a new qualification. How would you respond in class? How would you feel if you were confused or said something wrong or were called upon to read out loud or give an answer to something?
If the idea (even mildly) fills you will dread or makes you feel anxious (ask yourself “where am I feeling this in my body?” for a clue), you know there is something to work on.
Tap on it and follow it where it leads.
Follow for as long as necessary to feel some relief.
Tap on all aspects.
Be as specific as possible.
Take each separate issue that comes up and devote time to it on its own, uncluttered by anything else.
Don’t stop until you feel you have reduced your level of associated intensity (SUDs) significantly.
If you have experience of Matrix Reimprinting, even better. Take yourself back to the first time you can remember feeling like this and ask for permission to tap on your ECHO (this concept is known in every branch of trauma work by labels such as parts, subroutines, inner child, capsules, wounded selves, shadow self, etc.). Keep at it until that ECHO is happy and calm and free from negative thoughts and feelings.
Test it by re-imagining yourself in a learning environment in the present, asking yourself how you feel. If there is any anxiety or discomfort remaining (i.e. your SUDs are higher than a 1-2) go back and address whatever has come up or is still coming up again.
And after (or at least instead of if the above sounds too daunting or is more than you can manage because you have no prior knowledge of EFT or MR) try to be kind and compassionate and understanding towards yourself and thank yourself for trying so hard and for doing all of this work for you.
Thank your subconscious mind, too, for whirring away underneath and for taking it all in on your behalf so that, conscious of it or not, you have everything you need, everything you were given, safe inside of you, ready for you to recall when called for.
This is important. Not only is it a good exercise in self-love and self-care; it also acknowledges your body as a whole as being capable of magnificent things, far greater than you could ever possibly imagine or ever give it credit for. And it will allow your brain, your mind, your subconscious, to do what it needs to do to take care of you and this new gift.
And please contact me if you would like any further information, advice or help.